As you may or may not be aware a serious number of rather dubious hits to my blog led me to believe that someone from the stables had somehow come across my site, and subsequently put two and two together. I don’t know if anything will come of this, or even if I was incorrect in my presumption but it did bring to mind the risks and rewards of revealing personal information via blogs.

A great many bloggers have related stories via their blogs which they would never tell to their parents, spouses, children, or closest friends. There is something within each blogger, which deep down drives them to be open and honest with themselves and their audience via the blog. If not to show others who we are and to seek some level of identification, then at least to put it out there in the open, as if in doing so it becomes more real.

Is there a point where we should draw the line? Where openness and honesty suddenly places you, if not at risk, then in the line of discovery by those who we deem to exist in our ‘reality’. It is conflicting, in the one hand we want our blogs to be our essence on the web, somewhere to pour ourselves and keep it real in ways we are unlikely to be able to do in ‘real life’. In the other, to think that any person I meet on a daily basis regularly reads my blog would feel like an infringement, in fact I’d probably die if I thought my work colleagues or fellow liveries read the most secret aspects of my blog. That they really do know how confused, insecure, dark and twisted I am…

But there are people who I do know who are aware of my blog. Yes, they are people I knew on the net before I met them in person, and so in the deeply confused recesses of my mind that sort of justifies them knowing about this place. On the other hand, this too leads to a feeling of restriction once in a while, not because I want to blog about them but because I know they know me. It has led me to back away from the blog on numerous occasions, not because I didn’t have anything to say, but rather I felt that this was not the place to say it. I do quite often hold back from saying things I would like to say, which is ironic because other times I am outright and to the point. You know things very few of the people on a day to day basis know about my internal anguish. Hardly anyone knows how I long to write or act. They are not aware that the nice shy girl, who refuses to respond to abuse and criticism really hides her true opinion deep in the recesses of her inner monologue and here.

Through relating the very core of my being I can better understand myself and my life, and in doing so move on a lot quicker than I would if I kept it all ‘bottled up’. In real life, especially before I discovered the blog, I frequently kept things bottled up. That is until they exploded in a distinctly unpleasant way.

Looking back through my blog I also, like many bloggers before me have said, find the more personal stuff more interesting than the running commentary or the random observation.

Yet, in doing so, I am giving all you people a glimpse into my inner self, telling you my weaknesses, my inner desires, my anguish, and letting you see the frequent immaturity, bitterness and absolutely hopelessness.

What would I do if my present or future employers came here? What if my friends, or my family, or as in this case the people from the stables came here? Especially the latter, who have been the sole cause of a ramble on many occasions. If I were to go completely anonymous would I avoid this possibility or would I merely be putting off the inevitable? More so, would I lose what I have here?